Thursday night my phone chimed in receipt of a text message. The text was from a woman I met online confirming plans for Saturday. I had never met her and up to this point only talked on the phone. I was excited to finally meet.
After ending a long-term relationship almost three years ago the longest relationship I’ve been in was three weeks. Commiserating over drinks one night, my best friend suggested online dating. “Jeromy, online dating will open you up to an entirely different group of ladies.” Boy was she right.
Within a week I placed my profile on Match, OKCupid, and PlentyOfFish. I made sure the profiles (which are all different) clearly stated I smoke, have kids, and work lots of hours. From experience I know these are all deal breakers. I would have thought having kids and working a lot were positive things, but I’m not the majority.
I quickly figured out online dating attracts crazier people than me. Since posting my profile I frequently receive late night messages. Online dating sites pinpoint mobile users based on relative distance from other mobile users. In other words, user “Stella01331” is online and 0.5 miles from my house. If I can see them, they can see me.
The online thing doesn’t lend itself to chance and the subtle nuances of face-to-face encounters. If a profile states they will only date between the ages of 28 and 30 that’s all they’ll entertain. The same goes for hair color, height, and other attributes. I’ve found online dating to be black and white.
Match and OKCupid are both owned by the same company yet go about their matchmaking differently. OKCupid, a free site, matches users’ answers to questions in hopes of pairing. Match, on the other hand, charges for its services but allows customers to pick based on different criteria like age, location, kids, etc.
PlentyOfFish is the most popular dating site. Although the service is free, users can still pick from lists of must haves. Most of the late night messages I receive are from this site. Users are encouraged to self monitor leading to weirdoes and strangeness.
No matter the site, deceit and fakes are everywhere. Over the past year I’ve noticed a trend with fraudulent listings. At least for women, they’re usually vague with dating requirements and have only one picture. Very few specifics about the person are listed in the profile.
Written communication is key to starting any kind of cyber relationship. I’ll admit I’m terrible at keeping things short and sweet so it’s been a challenge. However, the key is truncating thoughts to a few sentences. I’ve scared some very nice people with poorly executed emails. Statistically speaking, I would estimate about 1/5 of my emails receive a reply.
Meeting people has never been a challenge for me; however, I have some rules which made online dating somewhat inviting. First, I don’t date co-workers and even if I did, I only employ men. Customers for the most part are out, and the last one I asked was less than half my age. Finally, I have a hard time dating people who I deal with everyday.
Oh yeah, Saturday’s date. I met her at a restaurant in her community. I arrived five minutes early to an already tipsy woman who looked nothing like her picture. She greeted me with an open mouth kiss and breath that rivaled King Kong’s. Rather than make a bad night worse I picked up the tab and excused myself. Online dating isn’t for me, I’d much rather take my chances and loosen my criteria.
(Jeromy Patriquin is the President of Laptop & Computer Repair, Inc. located at 509 Main St. in Gardner. You can text him directly at (978) 413-2840 or visit www.LocalComputerWiz.com.)