I received a call late last week from a friend asking for some guy advice about a man she had met. They had talked on the phone a few times after meeting and had gone to coffee and dinner. To her, he seemed like a decent guy but she picked up on a vibe that she wanted to run by me.
Over dinner she told me the story of how they met, their conversations, and dates. Like a lot of people, they met at a social event outside of work. During their initial conversation he asked her for her number and she graciously provided her cell and work numbers. He seemed like a perfect gentleman.
She made a point of not going into detail about her kids, but rather mentioned that she had two. She also kept their initial conversations short and never mentioned she had a cat. During dinner he asked what it was like having two boys. He also asked what her cat’s name was and how long she’s had him. From my perspective, it was kind of strange that dinner conversation included pets. Even worse, he knew she had two boys.
Her job requires she leave her cell phone off (or silent) during the workday. She’s only allowed to use it during scheduled breaks. As she unwound details of her encounter with this guy, she pulled her cell phone out and showed me the call records. After the dinner date he called five times, left two voicemails on her cell, two on her work number, and text messaged her seven times.
As a guy I answered her two ways. First, It’s not normal that he contact her more than once without a reply. If she didn’t reply after the first contact he should wait and if he doesn’t receive a reply then she’s not interested. More than one unwanted call or text message may be harassment. Second, this guy knew too many details of her personal life that she didn’t volunteer.
Cyberstalking is a relatively new crime that parallels stalking. Typically a cyberstalker will use the internet and other electronic resources to pursue and gain control of their target. My friend is being harassed by this guy to a point that it’s making her nervous. Rather than rely on the mystique of meeting someone new and learning about them slowly, he gained information from her colleagues and the internet to stalk her.
Cyberstalking doesn’t end there. Many victims report being defamed by their stalkers. In other words, the stalker makes false accusations about the victim to gain control. Some will use technology to monitor online activities and may go as far as installing GPS units on a victim’s car. In one article I read, the stalker used the victim’s credit card information to order products through the internet in the victim’s name.
This is a serious crime and shouldn’t be overlooked. Stalkers may not know the meaning of the word “no” and sometimes persist past a safe point. Most common online stalking behavior is by a man to a woman and can include threats of rape, murder and posting of private information. Stalking is a form of domestic violence.
Since my friend and I went to dinner she told this man to stop contacting her. As I told her, I think it’s fairly normal for a person to look up a potential date on Facebook or Google someone prior to going out. I don’t think it’s normal for a person (male or female) to obsess to the point it makes the other uncomfortable. My friend doesn’t feel too threatened because she carries a .45 caliber pistol at all times and is accomplished in martial arts.
(Jeromy Patriquin is the President of Laptop & Computer Repair, Inc. located at 509 Main St. in Gardner. You can text him directly at (978) 413-2840 or visit www.LocalComputerWiz.com.)