I spent my week gearing up for a second date with a woman I met through a friend. Thursday was our second meeting with text and Facebook messages throughout the week filling the voids. We never really talked on the phone much, but did spend a ton of time communicating digitally.
When I was a kid we didn’t have smartphones, never mind cell phones. If we wanted to meet someone we had to ask for a number. If we wanted a date we picked up the phone and called. There wasn’t an option to Facebook stalk someone before asking them out; we simply had to ask.
Nowadays it’s somewhat accepted to look someone up online before asking them out. I suppose this could tell if they are seeing someone and give a glimpse into their life prior to asking them out. Among younger people who’ve grown up with technology, asking someone out in the traditional way is a stellar act and considered manly.
My youngest brother later explained that it’s now normal for a guy to ‘look up’ a woman prior to asking her out. This clues the guy in to whether she’s single and provides some insight into her life. It’s also currently acceptable to connect with someone online before calling.
Thursday night was definitely interesting. I made reservations at a fairly nice place in Worcester and planned to be there shortly after work. We were seated in a corner booth so I had a view of the entire dining room.
As soon as drinks were served my date reached for her phone while she was perusing the menu. “Hey,” she said, “they have Wi-Fi” which started a short conversation that ended abruptly with her connecting to the open network. She spent most of the rest of the night madly tapping on her phone, presumably surfing Facebook and other social websites.
Five minutes passed and I started to ponder the notion of paying the bill and leaving. While I was thinking I started looking around at other couples and noticed most tables had at least one phone on. All I could imagine is how shallow their relationships must be based on the couples’ lack of communication.
With a little research on my phone I discovered that most guilty partners are men. I was surprised to learn that men, as fantastic as we are, use our phones more than women when out. I was also shocked to learn this is now considered normal etiquette.
Depending on the level of the relationship, use of a phone while communicating in a one-on-one situation is now normal. Apparently in a new relationship, though, distractions like the phone have a detrimental effect on the relationship’s longevity. At this point I felt less guilty for using my phone.
Times have changed. When I was in my twenties, we only had the old fashioned way: flirt, see if there’s a connection, and ask for a number. Going on a date meant learning about the other person and seeing if there’s a connection. We didn’t have the internet or fancy phones to get in the way; I’m awkward enough without technology.
From my informal research at the restaurant we visited, I saw an equal number of men and women using their phones during dinner. For the past few days I’ve been wondering how many of them asked out their mate electronically. Needless to say I won’t be asking this one on a third date and will be keeping my eyes open for a woman who doesn’t have Facebook or a smartphone.
(Jeromy Patriquin is the President of Laptop & Computer Repair, Inc. located at 509 Main St. in Gardner. You can text him directly at (978) 413-2840 or visit www.LocalComputerWiz.com.)